Dear Insiders,
At a recent event focused on mental health and charity, I spoke to a woman whose boyfriend was struggling with long working hours and a toxic workplace.
He had become less active, was eating poorly and gaining weight. Most evenings, he stayed home and played computer games because that was how he decompressed. She had encouraged him to go out and exercise, but he simply did not want to.
When she asked me what the solution was, leaving the job seemed like the obvious answer. But not everyone has the financial freedom to resign before finding another role. And finding a workplace with a healthier culture is not always straightforward.
So I suggested something smaller.
Instead of repeatedly asking him to exercise, she could invite him to do something with her. It could be a walk, a new activity or simply somewhere they had not explored before. The aim would not be to “fix” him, but to make leaving the house feel less like another obligation and more like time spent together.
It reminded me that good advice is not always useful advice.
Meeting people where they are
“Exercise more” is reasonable advice. But when someone is already exhausted, stressed and withdrawn, it can sound like one more thing they are failing to do.
Sometimes, people do not need more instructions. They need a gentler and more realistic way to begin.
The same applies when encouraging children to become active. Signing a child up for a sports class and expecting them to participate confidently may work for some. Others need to know what will happen, see the environment beforehand or understand the basic rules before they feel comfortable joining in.
A person managing a health condition will have different needs again. Someone living with diabetes, for example, may need to consider their glucose levels, medication, hydration and the intensity of the activity before exercising safely.
The advice to “move more” may be the same, but the right starting point is not.
Adaptation is not a lack of ambition
We often treat adaptation as though it means lowering our standards.
But sustainable progress is not about forcing everyone into the same routine. It is about finding an approach that suits the person’s health, circumstances, confidence and current capacity.
The most impressive routine is not necessarily the most useful one. The useful one is the one a person can begin safely and continue without feeling punished by it.
That is true whether we are helping an exhausted adult become more active, supporting someone with diabetes or preparing a child for their first sports lesson.
Good advice has to meet people where they are.
For practical guidance, read:
It’s a wrap
Curves, Clarity, Confidence
“Good advice is not always useful advice. It has to meet people where they are.”
Until next time,
Serving weighty thoughts with a side of sass.